Honest Mama’s Diary (21 days of crushing honesty)

If we're going to be honest -  I don’t keep a diary. I barely have time to put pants on in the morning let alone remember sparkling details from my blur of a day and put them into actual words. They do say journaling helps with problem solving, achieving goals and personal development, which all sound fab but I suspect the people who say that don’t have toddler twins and yesterday’s dinner on their top. And on the floor. But hey, in the interest of self improvement, I’ve embraced their advice and jotted down some journal entries that could be an honest picture of my life, to a large extent.


Monday 2nd:

Started the day with great intentions. Ended up wasting most of my time reading inspirational quotes on Pinterest and watching videos of cats. Did feel quite inspired though.

Lions are, like, naturally talented tho

Tuesday 3rd:

Didn’t shout at boy child the first hundred times he tried to stick a fire engine down his brother’s nappy. Shouted at him the hundred and first time. Felt like a failure to be honest. Cried a bit. Ate some chocolate.


Wednesday 4th:

Finished the ‘just slightly’ chewed piece of mandarin that boy child rejected after begging for it for aaaaaages. Felt good about uptake in my vitamin consumption.

Sharing is caring, honest! Just don't chew too much before you pass it on!

Thursday 5th:

Didn’t take a shower.

Friday 6th:

Does a ‘good wash’ count as a shower?

Saturday 7th:

Does ‘got caught in the rain’ count as a shower?

Sunday 8th:

Spent me-time on Pinterest pinning recipes for ‘Fast and Nutritious Dishes Your Toddler Will LOVE’. Did not cook any of those dishes. Felt productive all the same. Honest, it works.


I try to use my free time wisely

Monday 9th:

Did ten minutes of Pilates in my knickers. Thought I saw a *real difference.* Promised myself I’d make time to do it every day, because mama is important too.

Tuesday 10th:

Did not do any further pilates. Looked at tummy in the mirror from all the angles. Sighed a bit. Got back to herding the children.

Pilates - does not play well with herding things


Tried on my pre-pregnancy jeans. I don’t want to talk about it.

Thursday 12th:

Brought children to the library. Ran around library doubled over, whispering ‘ssssshhhhh’ really loudly. Put lots of books back on shelves. Removed loose pages from children's’ mouths and hid them in my pockets. (Soggy pages. Not children)

Friday 13th:

Agonized about giving my children a balanced nutritious diet. Remembered most of their dinner ends up on the floor. Served pasta again. Cleaned pasta off the floor.

Saturday 14th:

Finally decided to decorate the house for Christmas. Opened Christmas decorations box. Became overwhelmed with the magnitude of my own stupidity. Closed the box. Showed the boys a picture of a snowman. Nailing Christmas.

Sunday 15th:

Overcame the husband’s lack of conversation skills by holding imaginary conversations with him…

Me: a really interesting thing happened today...

The Husband:

Me: oh really? How exciting dear. Do tell me all about it

Me: (explains mildly interesting thing)

The Husband:

Me: oh wow, that IS interesting. I’m glad you told me all about it, honest.

The Husband:

Me: I know, right!

Me: I’m glad we had this chat

Me: it’s nice to check in with each other

Me: I love you too




The Husband: …. … Eh, what?

Felt proud of my problem solving skills.

Talking to yourself - Conversations with someone who cares.

Monday 16th:

Sang incey wincey spider with my kids. Forgot the tune. Made it up. Now I have to explain to my foreign husband why the YouTube version is wrong.

Tuesday 17th:

Brought children to the supermarket. Said “don’t touch that” a millionty-one times. Bought all the things except the one thing I actually popped in for. (Wine). Later drank tea and wished it was wine. Felt bad for the tea.

Wednesday 18th:

Sellotaped pop-up books back together. Returned them to the library and ran before they saw my handy work. Will never show my face at library again.

Thursday 19th:

Went for a walk with children. Saw a bus. A pigeon. A dog. A dog. A plastic bag. A car. The sky. Another dog. A puddle. A piece of rubbish. A house. Another pigeon.

At least the children were entertained.

Friday 20th:

Tried to have an actual conversation with The Husband. Interrupted him a billionty-two times to say “yes darling” to the children in an enthusiastic yet mildly distracted voice. Used the same voice with The Husband. Got a better response than with children. Took note for future reference.

Saturday 21st:

Tried to take a family portrait. Ended up with 72 blurry photos, a finger up my nose, a snotty shoulder and two crying children. A big improvement on last time.


So there you have it - an honest account of twenty three days of this mama’s life. More or less.

And that’s why (apart from the lack of time, energy, desire or pens) I don’t keep a journal.

An honest Diary? Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

As you were.

  • Isabel
    Posted at 20:09h, 13 November Reply

    oh dear my the force be with you 🙂

    • Mother of Snot
      Posted at 15:29h, 20 November Reply

      🙂 Thanks – I’m going to need it!!

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